she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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