I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
