Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
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MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
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All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.