; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
