Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.