You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.