there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"