Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"