8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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