We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
