I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
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