Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
