he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
