Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
