I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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