Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
