I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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