is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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