I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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