my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
