that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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