me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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