at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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