she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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