He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
