dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
