1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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