Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
