I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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