She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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