I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
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I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
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I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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