If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
