tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
