it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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