Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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