Can i not drive my cunt home
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
