just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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