DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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