just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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