just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
