Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
