She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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