I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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