he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
