what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
