all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
