When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
