Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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