yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
