I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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