all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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