i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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