I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
