I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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