My hand turned me down
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
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