Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
