Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
