Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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