i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
