Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
