No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
