Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
