So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
