I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
