the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
