my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
