so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
