dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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