Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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