Where did you get a picture of my penis
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
