yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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