Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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