I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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