Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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