You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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