That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize