I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So vagazzling was a success
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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